My week

This post has been thanked 4 times. 5 April 2014 - 14:41

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I’ve had a really difficult few months because I’ve felt so ill physically and because I've had so many commitments such as appointments etc. I’m exhausted through lack of sleep and I'm in considerable pain.

Monday I saw my homoeopathic consultant and ended up having a complete meltdown. I was in floods of tears because I'm getting nowhere getting help for my physical conditions. But thanks to his understanding and my mindfulness I was soon able to pick myself up and continue. (achievement 1)

He invited me to attend is Pain Management workshop the following day, initially I panicked as I hadn’t planned on going out the following day, but I gritted my teeth and agreed to attend.

So on Tuesday I went to the Pain Management workshop (achievement 2) and although it contained much of what he had already taught me in our one to one sessions it was useful to see it altogether. Previously they had all been isolated topics but now I can see the overall flow of thought including how and why each interact with and compliment each other. That they are not actually stand alone topics but can all be integrated into one. And although the workshop was for pain management all of the techniques can be used for OCD. I have used many of them for my OCD with considerable success.

Having to attend the hospital for a second unplanned day it threw all my plans for the week out of the window and I had to totally rethink my week. So Wednesday even though I was exhausted I did the washing to ensure that I had clothes to wear for the rest of the week. (achievement 3)

Thursday I saw my therapist and then went into the OCD Action office as needed to take something in to them. They were in the throes of installing and rearranging furniture so the place was in chaos. I didn't want to appear idle so whilst the boys moved the furniture and reconnected the computers I offered to dust everything as they put it back. There wasn’t any polish so without even thinking I reached for an anti-bac surface spray and used that to clean all the computers and in/out trays etc as they were put back. For the first time in more than ten years it didn’t worry me that I was using the anti-bac spray, it just seemed like the most natural thing to do. (achievement 4) When I had finished I walked out of the office feeling ten foot high with a broad grin on my face.

I then went to my mindfulness group, I had missed the last couple of sessions and the retreat because I’d been too busy with other things and so was determined to get to this weeks group.

I had been so busy cleaning that I hadn’t noticed the time and so had to rush to get to the group and so didn’t have time to wait for a fairly empty tube train instead I had to get on the first one that arrived. It was really crowded but I knew that if I waited for another train I’d be late to the group, so trembling with fear I got onto the train and was squashed in so tight that I couldn’t move. (achievement 5) I just had to focus on getting to the group and not that everyone was touching me.

I made it to the group still with a broad grin on my face, (achievement 6) and after a brief meditation we all had to introduce ourselves and say briefly what ever was on our minds. I triumphantly proclaimed that I was pleased to be there and that I made no apology for my broad grin as this was because I had been using an anti-bac spray for the first time in more than ten years and was able to do it without thinking. (they all know I have contamination OCD)

I was then supposed to go shopping on Friday but had a seizure during the night and so was really late getting up, but I still managed to get ready and go out shopping despite still feeling really groggy. (achievement 7) I was so tired when I got in that after putting the shopping away I dozed on and off for the rest of the day. Normally this would have really frustrated me but I was able to acknowledge that I obviously needed the rest and that tomorrow I could tackle the outstanding chores.

Today instead of doing the planned washing, I’ve done all the washing up, prepared salad for the week and pottered about tidying up etc. I realise that I need to rest today as well and am not beating myself up about it.

All in all despite a rocky start my week turned out well, namely because I’ve tried to stay positive throughout and focus on what I’ve achieved and not what I thought I should have done.  

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5 April 2014 - 20:07

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Hello, you have achieved an awful lot this week so pleased for you.  Well done.  Hope you have more healthy sleep it helps with everything else if you do.  Thank you for writing about your week.

6 April 2014 - 14:31

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Thanks Janetia,

It just proves that even in adversity we can still challenge our OCD if we remain positive

6 April 2014 - 14:41

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Hi Trudy, Yes that is a fantastic acheivement for the week. You did ever so well with travelling on the underground. I don't think I could have done it, even if I was running late... Keep up the good work! Well done!

Wannabe

6 April 2014 - 16:36

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Wow, well done What is the physical pain about? 

 

7 April 2014 - 23:40

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Hi Trudy (Well done on your achievements)

I like the way you are listing the achievements there.  

 

 

9 April 2014 - 15:22

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Thank you for your replies; it has been a difficult few months for me what with my physical health continuing to deteriorate and with many commitments, including hospital appointments. But by trying to stay positive and by focusing on what I can do rather than what I can’t do, it’s easier to keep going even when things get tough.

I still find that referring back to my achievements list helps to spur me on especially when I'm feeling low or feel that I'm not progressing. It makes me realise just how far I've come from those early days when I was afraid of everything because of my OCD.  

Each achievement however small helps to slowly shift us from an OCD to a non OCD state and keeps us on the road to recovery.

12 April 2014 - 17:10

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It's another week and I'm still here to tell the tale.

Well I had a fairly successful morning yesterday.  My therapist had said the day before that that she was really worried about me as it was clear to see that I was exhausted both physically and mentally, which comes as no surprise given that my physical health is continuing to deteriorate.

She said that I needed a holiday but appreciated that I couldn’t afford one, plus she realises that I'm still not at the point where I could actually manage to go away on holiday. I am therefore to make time each day that is exclusively for me and no one else including the OCD and that as I'm so unwell it was essential that I find some way to put my feet up in relative comfort for at least a couple of hours each day.

Because of various medical conditions including my pituitary adenomas and the medication that I have to take for my epilepsy I have oedema that is at times severe particularly in my legs. It’s really painful and if I'm not careful when sitting it can make my legs go to sleep. I really should put my feet up as often as I can but until recently the best that I could do was put them up on a cushion that I had placed on the cat carrier whilst sitting on my computer chair as there was nowhere else to sit and unfortunately I’m still unable to lay on my bed during the day because of my OCD.

As I can’t manage to go away on holiday I’m looking into what I can do in the way of free days out (finances being what they are at the moment – nonexistent). There’s so much to see and do in London and as is so typical being a local I haven’t visited many of them, so I'm going to try to make time to do so.

I really can’t carry on like this as it’s making me feel really ill and so yesterday I decided that I’d had enough and with a little help from a terrific friend I managed to change the living room around so that I will be able to use the settee once I’ve washed the cushion covers and found a throw to cover the settee. It was a real struggle as I did most of it myself. It’s too cold in that room during the winter but now that summer is on its way I will at least be able to finally put my feet up for a couple of hours a day in relative comfort and hopefully it will help to ease the pain and the oedema.

I’ve also thrown away quite a lot of items that are either broken, unusable or not needed and have got a large bag of items to go to a charity shop. I've managed to create a lot more space and all in all the room looks a lot tidier and more like a living room than a giant store cupboard

Unfortunately I’ve paid a heavy price as today I’m in so much pain that at times I don’t know where to put myself. But I know that if I don’t overdo it today and follow what I was taught in the Pain Management workshop then the pain will slowly subside back to a more bearable level. However I do think that despite the severe pain it was worth doing as the long term gains will far outweigh the short term setback that I'm experiencing.

I feel as if I could do with sleeping for a month, shame I can't because of the unresolved physical issues. But I'm very much alive and that surely is the main thing.

I know that I’ve been really stressed of late mainly because of the people that I’m having to deal with such as the housing association and the medical profession etc and that I need to take it easy and not get so stressed but it’s not easy. Unfortunately most of the time I don’t even realise that I’ve become stressed as outwardly I appear calm but now I’ve been made aware of it I can see that I am stressed as evidenced by the deterioration in my physical health.  I need to take things a little slower and be more aware of how situations etc are affecting me, especially the physical problems; so I’m going to give it a try using various mindfulness techniques.

12 April 2014 - 21:32

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Just to say well done Truddles- you have turned all of the obstacles into something good keep on keeping on you deserve it a lot!! 

 

13 April 2014 - 14:40

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Hi Truddles

Trying to get a good night sleep when we are in a lot of pain is difficult, usually my neighbor is in a lot of pain and that probably cause her to wakes up at 3 o'clock in the morning then when she tries to get back to sleep it makes it more difficult. Trying to take a calm approach to stressful situations can be hard but possible because usually the problem might seem big but on the whole scale of things is not that much of a problem.

One technique I find to be helpful, even though I wouldn't think too much about the problems we have but this does usually help when we write our problem down and put a number next to it. For example ten could be a terrible problem usually our problems might tend be (four, five or at the worst a Six).

Check out the link I've posted below as the information in it is so true I feel.

(Problems in Life)

Hope you have been keeping well truddles.

13 April 2014 - 18:24

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I’m still in a considerable amount of pain but can't afford to have yet another quiet day not that yesterday was particularly quiet as I had to finish putting the living room straight and in the process found more things that could be either thrown or sent to the charity shop. I also did all of the washing up and prepared salads for the next few days. Though I had a bit of a hiccup there, I hadn’t realised that one of the bags of salad leaves was touching the back of the fridge and as a result it was frozen as were two tomatoes that had also been touching the back.

Today I’ve had to get my act together and get on with the washing which isn’t easy as my back is really playing up making getting things in and out of the machine and drier difficult. I’ve also hoovered through and bagged up all the rubbish ready to put it out tomorrow.

I’ve spent the morning pottering around doing various small jobs that needed doing as sitting is aggravating my back and so increasing the pain in my legs, really frustrating but there’s not a lot I can do other than to just get on with things as best I can.

Now I’ve got to have a serious think as to what to put in my pots and containers this year as will need to get the plants this coming week. I’ve got three blue salvias that have survived yet another year, four clumps of blue lobelia that haven’t stopped flowering since they were planted last year, four geraniums that have also survived and are about to break into flower, and my coreopsis has turned into a monster and so will need dividing this year. Unfortunately my perennial antirrhinum died earlier this week and the little shrub that I’ve got (can’t remember what it’s called) is looking fairly devoid of leaves at the moment but I'm sure that with a bit of TLC it will buck up. And the jasmine that I planted last year is looking really healthy and so should hopefully flower this year and will look great next to my climbing fuchsia. I know that I want some sweet peas to climb up the jasmine but as to what else I haven’t yet decided.

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