5 April 2014 - 14:41
I’ve had a really difficult few months because I’ve felt so ill physically and because I've had so many commitments such as appointments etc. I’m exhausted through lack of sleep and I'm in considerable pain.
Monday I saw my homoeopathic consultant and ended up having a complete meltdown. I was in floods of tears because I'm getting nowhere getting help for my physical conditions. But thanks to his understanding and my mindfulness I was soon able to pick myself up and continue. (achievement 1)
He invited me to attend is Pain Management workshop the following day, initially I panicked as I hadn’t planned on going out the following day, but I gritted my teeth and agreed to attend.
So on Tuesday I went to the Pain Management workshop (achievement 2) and although it contained much of what he had already taught me in our one to one sessions it was useful to see it altogether. Previously they had all been isolated topics but now I can see the overall flow of thought including how and why each interact with and compliment each other. That they are not actually stand alone topics but can all be integrated into one. And although the workshop was for pain management all of the techniques can be used for OCD. I have used many of them for my OCD with considerable success.
Having to attend the hospital for a second unplanned day it threw all my plans for the week out of the window and I had to totally rethink my week. So Wednesday even though I was exhausted I did the washing to ensure that I had clothes to wear for the rest of the week. (achievement 3)
Thursday I saw my therapist and then went into the OCD Action office as needed to take something in to them. They were in the throes of installing and rearranging furniture so the place was in chaos. I didn't want to appear idle so whilst the boys moved the furniture and reconnected the computers I offered to dust everything as they put it back. There wasn’t any polish so without even thinking I reached for an anti-bac surface spray and used that to clean all the computers and in/out trays etc as they were put back. For the first time in more than ten years it didn’t worry me that I was using the anti-bac spray, it just seemed like the most natural thing to do. (achievement 4) When I had finished I walked out of the office feeling ten foot high with a broad grin on my face.
I then went to my mindfulness group, I had missed the last couple of sessions and the retreat because I’d been too busy with other things and so was determined to get to this weeks group.
I had been so busy cleaning that I hadn’t noticed the time and so had to rush to get to the group and so didn’t have time to wait for a fairly empty tube train instead I had to get on the first one that arrived. It was really crowded but I knew that if I waited for another train I’d be late to the group, so trembling with fear I got onto the train and was squashed in so tight that I couldn’t move. (achievement 5) I just had to focus on getting to the group and not that everyone was touching me.
I made it to the group still with a broad grin on my face, (achievement 6) and after a brief meditation we all had to introduce ourselves and say briefly what ever was on our minds. I triumphantly proclaimed that I was pleased to be there and that I made no apology for my broad grin as this was because I had been using an anti-bac spray for the first time in more than ten years and was able to do it without thinking. (they all know I have contamination OCD)
I was then supposed to go shopping on Friday but had a seizure during the night and so was really late getting up, but I still managed to get ready and go out shopping despite still feeling really groggy. (achievement 7) I was so tired when I got in that after putting the shopping away I dozed on and off for the rest of the day. Normally this would have really frustrated me but I was able to acknowledge that I obviously needed the rest and that tomorrow I could tackle the outstanding chores.
Today instead of doing the planned washing, I’ve done all the washing up, prepared salad for the week and pottered about tidying up etc. I realise that I need to rest today as well and am not beating myself up about it.
All in all despite a rocky start my week turned out well, namely because I’ve tried to stay positive throughout and focus on what I’ve achieved and not what I thought I should have done.