8 July 2014 - 17:05
I am so petrified that I'll say and imply bad about my dad. Iv had a few days off work because I am so bad. Trying to stay strong but not feeling it at all. Cried for a few days straight.
I just can Suss what part is the intrusive thought and when to let go. Mum and dad both know that my OCD is about whether or not I believe my dad has done or said bad and whether I voice it accordingly. Of course he isn't and at all and had never done or said anything. But I either make stuff up or making something of nothitn and turn Innoncent things into not so Innoncent in my head so I feel I am so dangerous. But like the other day as an example. Mum said ohhh and I knew it was something trivial- either the dog or tv and I said 'what? Dad? Yeah'. And I am trying not to ruminate over why I said it, what I meant ot wanted to implicate and how it was taken by mum and whether I think I can say what I want because she knows it's my OCD talking' but I know all I need is a minute to think it over and iv got words in my head seemingly proving to me that I meant bad and it was taken bad and I don't get which part is OCD and whih isn't