1 December 2014 - 14:55
This is the first time I have posted online regarding my OCD.
I have a fear of losing things. I am constantly checking where I go in case I drop things, or leave things behind somewhere, and because people can see my behaviour it adds to my anxiety and makes me check even more, so I avoid going out as much as possible.
It takes me a long time to leave the house because I have to check my clothing and count how many things I take out with me (repeatedly), so that I will know if I lose something, but even this doesn't reassure me enough.
It takes up so much time and energy that it's easier to stay indoors. But even that is no escape. I worry about throwing things in the bin, or even losing something down the plug hole. I have so many doubts sometimes I can take hours replaying things in my head.
I also have a fear of contamination which means I avoid touching door handles, eating out, using public facilities etc.
I don't take medication for the risk of having side affects. I have tried some though and they didn't work anyway.
I had CBT but it didn't really help me. I've just tried to manage to live with it, still hopeful some day I will beat it.
Thanks for reading.