I need help again, PLEASE!

11 January 2019 - 3:42

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So this is what happened

I was in the cinema when i saw my aunt tickling my cousin. When i remembered i once was tickling that same cousin and she didn’t wanted me to and i still did even though she didn’t wanted to be touched

Maybe i did it to bother her or maybe it bothered me that she didn’t wanted me to tickle her so i did it anyway

And i don’t mean the kind of tickles that make you laugh but the ones that make you sleepy and relaxed 

I didn’t touch her somewhere innapropiate i would never do NEVER

I cant remember when did this happened. I don’t know if i was 18 or younger i just cant remember and i don’t want to. 

i feel bad and embarrassed and scared and ashamed and a monster and hopeless

Im scared that i did damage to my cousin i love her so freakin much 

I didn’t do it with malice not to traumatize her or something like that and i don’t think i did it with a sexual intention or something like that

But now im scared i did 

Not because she has shown signs or anything because we have a really good relationship we have been playing and laughing together

But what if i scar her for life?

I dont know what to do i would never harm her and it hurts me to think that i did maybe


This post has been thanked 1 time. 11 January 2019 - 23:14

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If I give you reassurance then it will make your reassurance seeking worse, but I will say this. You need to think rationally and not let the OCD trick you, I know it's hard but you have to fight it!!! These thoughts are completely irrational, OCD just makes them look very convincing.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 12 January 2019 - 21:31

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I absolutely agree.  We cannot make ourselves responsible for everyone else. Our lives from birth are shaped by thousands of events around us. We will remember some life events with the mixture of hindsight, and forget many others. There's just too many of us for any one single person to be responsible for everyone. Hindsight will have us wondering if we could have done anything differently in the past, but the best we can do is just let go, and count on the right now. Just let go. Give yourself a chance. That other person may well have forgotten anyway.


14 January 2019 - 21:54

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Thank you, but what if im actually no better than a pedophile

What if i am the monster i dont want to be im scared 

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