24 March 2020 - 9:02
I'm new to this forum, so please forgive me if I'm not doing things right. I was diagnosed with OCD back in 2018. My OCD is too complex for IAPT and I'm still waiting for help. I'm still trying to learn about OCD. I have harm & contamination obsessions. My compulsions include counting and checking, and what I used to think was obsessive cleaning and hand washing because I can see and feel germs - everywhere. I have always known that I was contaminated and making people sick, but I've been doing this for years, and now this has been confirmed by government and health officials. And the hand washing.
I can see and feel germs everywhere, all in my flat and on my clothes even though I've not left the flat at all since Thursday.
My harm OCD causes me the most distress, but covid-19 seems to have slipped into that too - like if I don't check the oven is off, somehow I'll be responsible for more deaths.
There's no sight of me getting help at any time soon. I'm really struggling because the only way I know how to cope is to do these behaviours I've been doing for 12 years. I'm very anxious, and it's also making me feel other thoughts that I've not had in years. I'm desperate.
Thankfully I have a job that I can do at home, so that's keeping me busy, but I don't know what the point is in anything anymore seeing that my suspicions about the world being full of germs and unsafe were right all along.
I'm sorry if I'm written something wrong. Getting things off my chest helps.