This is just to remind myself and others, as I feel hopeful and was granted a couple of seconds of relief from OCD and anxiety, to hold on to those moments.
Don't forget them. The moments where you can feel you deserve happinness are the best. The moments where you don't want to kill yourself, because you can see clear through the blur that is this illness, always keep them in memorie. Know that they will come. Know that with OCD, everyday comes with a different mindset.
I wanted to know if I was the only one that is scared of inner peace...?
Is it OCD who makes me feel that in order to be at peace, I have to leave my lovely boyfriend and turn lesbian? That to achieve peace, I have to listen to this little bastard, and do what make me so anxious and nauseous? Should I listen to OCD who's telling me that I'm faking it all, that I'm just avoiding the truth, that I don't really see myself with him for the rest of my life, that I'm just forcing it?
My psychologist told me when I told her I did not believe my diagnostic, was unsure about it:
"If you want to feel better, you HAVE TO believe me. "
First step, accept that you have OCD and some Autism... It's hard to feel, I know, but that's the illness.