I keep making the same mistakes. I keep drinking and having false memories, my anxiety is through the roof. It's like I'm harming myself on purpose. Went out last night after football, had 5 pints and went home. I did get the taxi home. But I'm scared I did something awful before I got the taxi. I'm a dickhead, I'm such an idiot. I deserve this anxiety. If I did something bad then I have let everyone down. I'm scum.
So I thought I’d rant about my life for a bit. I’ve had problems with HOCD these last few months. Broke up with my girlfriend etc I went out on the Friday night, it loosened me up. But of course I had to make my OCD fears worse. There is a woman I know of who is up for it shall I say. I got in contact with her to prove my OCD wrong. Suffice to say I slept with her with no protection and my fears have got worse now. I think I have caught something now. I must hate myself as I constantly mess up all the time.
I’ve posted something similar on another forum before. I'm in a horrendous place atm. The worst.My self destructive self, alcohol, OCD and certain things in my life have taken its toll on me.This January I got told by my girlfriend that she was pregnant. Certain things happened. We didn't communicate well, we argued and eventually she had an abortion in March. I was devastated.Prior to this we had a good relationship bar me being an idiot when alcohol is involved. I lose control and want attention from the opposite sex.