I finally don't feel afraid

hi everyone my name is jennifer and I am currently going through a lot in life. 11 months ago a left the father of my children due to his unfaithfulness. He caused me so much pain since we first started dating at 17. I have two beautiful children with him a girl who's 8 and a boy who is 6. I have always suffered from OCD my whole life. Looking back I see how much time it took from my life but really never told no one. I was about 8 or 10 when I started washing my hands so much bc I would think that I would die from bacteria. It was so hard. My mom took me to therapy and I was able to overcome it. But then I started checking door the stove and staring at the window to make sure there was a window there. Sounds weird right? Well that was my life    I remember being so tired. Oh so did I mentioned! That my mom have OCD also? Yea it was bad. growing up was so hard. My dad was diagnosed with ALS and that was even harder for me. At night I would look at his chest counting 4 times to make sure he was breathing. I was so tired. My head was always heavy. I know this story is all over the place but I'm just writing as I think. Well then things got better for me bc I stopped checking things for maybe about 10 yrs. life was finally ok. Now getting back to the beginning after a couple of times breaking up with the father of my kids. I was scared to be a single mom. I had the fear of failing as a mother to my beautiful children .so then I was watching a movie affected me so much. I started having intrusive thoughts in which I thought I would harm my kids. Oh my how hard was this for me. I began to distance myself from my kids I had sleepless nights and my headaches where terrible. They eventually went away but about 2 months ago I had the biggest breakdown ever. I started to have these intrusive thoughts and they were worse! I hated myself and my life. I wanted to commit suicide and I planned how I was going to. I wrote my letter. But then looking at my children I realized I could not do that. So I told my mom how I felt she took me to the hospital and I was hospitalized for 4 days. They gave me medicine (Zoloft) which has helped me so much! I can now do some of things that I used to. I am looking forward to getting better with therapy and self help books. All I have to say that reading everyone's story has helped me sooo much to see that I'm not the only one going through this. Which has given me hope for life. We can all over come this monster called OCD. Thank you all for reading.